I decided last week to start writing a blog every now and then again, whenever I can make time to do so. Why? Because I love writing and because I have a lot to say! But mainly, because I want you to know who I am, why I am doing what I am doing and find ways of relating to me. Because, TOGETHER, we can make a real difference here on earth. Before we die.
Before I started writing, I needed a topic to write about. So I asked a 30-year old friend of mine what is currently keeping his mind busy. He paused for a moment - just a moment! - then said: "What if I die tomorrow?"
Now it was my turn to pause - for a moment.
"Why is that a question in your mind?" I asked.
"Well, I haven't made my mark as yet," he replied. "I haven't built a legacy yet." He paused again, then said: "I have two children, and I haven't done anything by which they can remember me yet."
"I see," I responded, "so it's not about the 'act of dying' that you are worried about, it is about your life to date that makes you feel that you haven't done or achieved anything meaningful as yet?" In my mind I was thinking how interesting his thought-pattern was. For me, the sheer fact that he had (at least) already contributed to society by becoming a father was a major contribution already. But clearly, that was not his perspective: he would only feel ready to exchange this life for the next if there would be something left behind that would make his children feel proud of him.
"I haven't lived for 56 years as yet," my friend continued. (He meant - like me!). "It would just be too soon for me to die. I still want to experience so much of life, I still want to do so much in life, I still want to leave something worthwhile behind. I think this is a really important topic and people don't really think about it."
He was right: this is a very interesting topic and certainly worthwhile to blog about.
I started to think about this question for myself: "What if I died tomorrow?"
The Love of my Life, my lifepartner and husband, died - very suddenly - on 22 May 2019. He hadn't been feeling well, he was struggling to breathe. We thought it was an asthmatic allergy attack. I drove him to the Emergency Ward of the Hospital down the road from our home in Pretoria, South Africa's capital city. The doctor admitted him to hospital 'for observation' for one night. He was in a hurry. "Superior Vena Cava Syndrome - look it up," he said, as he left the consulting room to rush to the next patient. I did what he said, but - quite honestly - what I was reading made no impression on me. I clung to the belief that my dearest man was simply in the process of recovering from an allergic reaction. I stayed with him through the night, as he was struggling to breathe, despite the oxygen mask. The next morning the doctor came to check in on his patient, then called me outside the room and said to me:"You do realise that he is dying, don't you?"
Neither I, nor my beautiful husband, had given this possibility a thought. Not even once.
But suddenly the reality of what the doctor was saying sunk in...
Seven hours later the spirit of the man that had swept me off my feet 23 years before, and with whom I had lived and laughed and travelled and dreamt and worked and built and simply enjoyed life with, left this world quietly and elegantly, like an actor disappears with a bow behind a curtain, bringing a glorious theatrical show to an abrupt end... never to be seen again...
I still stand amazed at the fact that I experienced COMPLETE PEACE throughout that fateful day, and in the weeks and months that followed. This truly is one of the gifts that FAITH in God, and BELIEF that we have Eternal Life, if we believe in Jesus Christ, brings. As much as I miss my brilliant and beautiful man, I immediately accepted that our separation is temporary: one day - in a short while - we will be reunited again in a dimension where we are no longer limited by time and space, in that place which the Bible calls "Eternity".
My husband's very sudden and untimely death certainly did bring forward the thought into my mind often over the last two years: "What if I die tomorrow?"
And I honestly have to say that - knowing what I know and believing what I believe - going home to Heaven to be with God, my Father and Creator, my Brother Jesus Christ and to live in direct contact with the Holy Spirit, while being reunited joyfully with - not only the wonderful man I was married to- but also with so many other incredible people who have already excused themselves from the world over my lifetime, would be simply amazing - for me!
But each time I thought about my own departure from Earth over the past two years, I would pray and ask God to please let me continue here for a little while longer, so that I can bring my affairs in order AND that I may continue to serve my fellow humans - with special emphasis on the 200 million unemployed youth across Africa - by sharing the wisdom and faith that I have been granted through my own trial and error, experiences and learning opportunities. I really want to help others, so that they may fulfill their God-given potential, and not remain caught in the sea of hopelessness and confusion, which so often appears to overwhelm us humans, especially when we're starting out in life. So far, God has answered my prayers, and I am putting all my time and energy in pursuing this goal in my life.
If I do more damage than good, I hope and pray that God rescues the world from me sooner, rather than later. But if God thinks that I am a useful instrument in his hands, I am honoured and grateful to live yet another day.
This is where I stand on that question. But now, let me ask YOU:
"What if YOU die tomorrow?"
Photo Caption: My sweet husband, Nico den Oudsten, took this photo above of myself (left), and two friends in 1998, when I was 34 and not even thinking for a moment about the question of "What if I die tomorrow?" For another 21 years God granted me the joy of a life here on earth together with one of the most incredible fellow human beings, in the company of many wonderful friends. I just hope and pray that I have spent this time in a worthwhile way, in the Eyes of our Father in Heaven, and that every new day he grants me, will be a day worthwhile spent in the building of his Kingdom here on Earth. THANK YOU, GOD, for LIFE, for LOVE, for FRIENDS and for PURPOSE!